All posts by katewilleignblogs

A sixteen year-old girl who loves writing and sharing stuffs.

From God to Dubai

Dubai, one of the richest country known in the world. Finally, I get to step on it’s land. However, it was not as simple as I thought it’d was. You see, my parents planned to make us come here, together with the rest of my family. My grandparents, cousins, and siblings were all there. We, as 8, went through all circumstances in order to successfully ride the plane. Being too numbered is already a struggle on the first place. Especially that we don’t have our own car. We were just contented with my grandmother’s friend’s car, and it was actually hard to fit eight people in there. Also, during our appointment with Department of Foreign Affairs (DFA), everyone’s eyes were almost on us. “Jam-packed” people actually came, even the employees who work there were surprised by how my grandmother handle all the responsibilities.

 

Fast forward to April 20, 2017. We reached the airport. Despite the fact that in any hours soon we’re flying in the air, we were in doubt. One of my cousin’s visa almost got in trouble. We had a hard time getting it. But thankfully, we passed through that. But as soon as we thought that we’re finally boarding, this travel tax came. It costed about PHP1,620 which got us doomed since it costed more than the expected price of PHP750. We are eight people, and the cash we have was only PHP10,000 since we thought we’re not gonna spend a lot. Lesson learned. Luckily, my brother, 4 years of age, and my 11-year-old cousin got a discount. However, regardless the discount, we still didn’t had enough. The eight of us costed about PHP11,500. That moment, I wasn’t sure that we’re going to successfully reach Dubai. Too many struggles were faced already. I was tired. I had prayed, and prayed and prayed. It was numerous that I had cried too. I thought that time, “if this isn’t meant for us, then be it.”

I prayed again. I asked, and asked…why?

Then as I looked around the airport, everyone looked fine. There were people who didn’t want to go, but they were allowed to go…and here’s us, sincerely desiring to finally hug our parent’s in our arms, but turns out fate does not agree to what we want. Disappointed, I grimaced. Why is the world so cruel? I thought like that.

But as I search for answers, I saw my grandmother rushing to the cashier with enough money on her hand, happily uttering “Thank You, Lord.”

Then it hit me. All the questions I’ve been asking before were all answered instantly—just at one sight of my grateful grandmother.

Therefore I realized, “”if this isn’t meant for us, then we wouldn’t have reached this far.”

I did too.

Have you ever had this feeling that no one cares about you anymore? That no one would cry even if you die? That no one pays attention to help you on your suffering? That no one loves you anymore?

Well, I did too.

I also went through what you’re facing right now. I also cried helplessly and wished myself to die. I also had trouble falling asleep because of the things circling inside my mind that I just can’t brush off. I also felt worthless. I also felt unloved.

Like you, I also dealt with insecurities. I always see myself not good enough. I look through other good-looking people and compare myself with them. I lacked of self-esteem. I lacked of confidence. I always felt envous of people adoring them a lot.

I never tried telling other people about it, because I know no one would understand. What I did was to lock myself inside my room, sit and sulk; thinking on how I end my life. No one even tried to ask me if I’m okay. No one even noticed that I’m dying. No one even cared. Well why would they even care, right? Who am I? I am just someone who fails to live her life the way she wants. I am just someone who likes to disappoint other people. I am just someone who deserves to be hurt and judged. I am just that someone who wouldn’t make any difference even if I’m gone.

But then one day, I woke up with stinging wounds on my arm. Woke up crying… not because it hurts, but because I failed to kill myself again. I looked at myself in the mirror. Smiles are gone, eyes are always crying… “What happened to you?” was the first thing I told my pathetic-looking reaction. That, I realized the biggest mistake I ever did.

It was killing my old happy self.

I realized that no one hurts me more than I did to myself. It was myself who kills me, not the people around me. It’s not them who doesn’t care about me, it’s me who doesn’t care about myself. It’s me who did not love myself.

It was hard overcoming it. But God helped me a lot. And I hope you do too.

My Journey On My Current School Is Ending Soon.

Ten months of going to school was indeed tough, especially when you’re a graduating student. However, ten months with your classmates and teachers has been really special. I’ve been enrolled in the same school since I was preparatory until now that I’m graduating as a junior high school student. That means I’ve never experienced adjusting to new schools or new classmates and such (since I do not find it hard to cope up with the new students transferred in my school because they’re only a few). Moreover, being that old kid in the school, some students who I’ve known since elementary was no stranger to me already. They’ve been my friends, so I was not shy revealing myself to the newbies, because they were there to help them understand who I really am.

 

Since elementary, like anyone else, I experienced a minor bullying in this school too. Fortunately, when I reached sixth grade, students were able to matured and stopped it.

 

But this time it’s different. am going to be—for the first time ever, the new student going to a new school. You see, my current school also offers senior high school, but I don’t believe they can give me the education I want to experience. Yes, I’ve been going to this school for ten straight years, but frankly, they kind of suck. I knew I’ll get to this point where I have to burst it out here, that’s why I never dared to mention this school,since I think it’s a good idea. Don’t get me wrong. I love the people there; the students, the teachers… but the way our administrators run the school was disappointing. I would want to share more about this topic yet I think this is not the right time to talk about this.

 

Continue reading My Journey On My Current School Is Ending Soon.

Wattpad Story

PROLOGUE:

Isa lang akong transferee student sa isang university.

I don’t have anything in mind except sa makapagtapos ako ng pag-aaral ko rito sa Philippines.

Isa akong Psychology student na pinwersa ng mga magulang ko para magshift ng course. Ipinadala nila ako sa America at doon pinag-aral ng Business Ad na pinilit nila sa akin.

After three years, napagpasyahan kong kumbinsihin ang mga magulang ko na sa Pilipinas na lang ako ga-graduate and they agreed.

Akala ko, magiging masaya ako sa pagbabalik ko sa Pilipinas. Pero pagkapasok na pagkapasok ko pa lang, inaway na agad ako.

Ako raw kasi ang ex ng lalaking wala akong ka-ide-ideya kung sino.

Ano bang pwedeng gawin kung lahat ng tao tingin sa’yo ay masama?

Anong dapat gawin kung ang nasa isip nila ay isa kang tao na hindi naman talaga ikaw?

Anong kailangang gawin para itatak sa utak nila na hindi ako ang taong nanakit sa isang lalaking hindi ko kakilala?

Nakakatawang isipin na binansagan ako ng iba bilang isang taong hindi naman ako talaga. At ako ang sinisisi nila sa mga kasalanang ginawa ng babaeng kamukha ko lang.

And a cliche happened. I was forced to be the ‘just cold guy’s’ girlfriend for him to become happy again…without even knowing his true name.

wattpad: @ByunKeytehKat